Zarkon What The Fuck!
by DarkLunar1312
Summary: Alfor looks down to his phone. He cannot believe he is having this conversation right now with Zarkon about Coran. His roommate just so happened to be polite to him, and now he is in the middle of this...thing. One thing he's sure about, is that he's gong to get out of this spot one way or another. Crossposted on AO3 w/ same name
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: Some of this stuff is true. I've taken some privileges to warp some events, and I only did this because I like rarepairs.**

Alfor sighs out of his nose as he just glares at his phone. He just got back from being the navigator with Coran because they just dropped Zarkon off at his dorm. His friend from Science Club happened to stumble into a predicament when his car broke down after driving back on campus from lunch. His car was towed, and he told him and Haggar about the situation.

'If only Haggar could take him,' Alfor thinks as he types out his response on his phone.

Haggar is a duel major student for chemistry and engineering, and the woman couldn't haul Zarkon to his dorm because she had to go to a doctor's appointment straight after their meeting. Alfor knew that Zarkon loathed the rest of the Science Club members because he outright stated in the beginning to him that he can hardly tolerate the rambunctious students who didn't know what science was if it beat them with boulders coming at them from 50 mph. Those were Zarkon's words not his.

His phone vibrates in his hand.

"My, aren't you popular today," Coran says from his chair. The man is watching animal planet online while Alfor is sitting on his bed.

"Yep. Just Ina, we're talking about something that happened in her day. She spilled her coffee all over her, and she's complaining about it," Alfor immediately says to mask the conversation.

"Oh you sure?" Coran wiggles his eyebrows.

"Shut up," Alfor throws a pillow at the red head, and the man caught the pillow before it could hit his laptop.

"Hmp. And to think I brought you with me in my car."

"We carpool on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It saves the gas money and we can buy extra comfort food through these troubling times." Alfor retorts as he glances at his phone.

Zarkon: Why did you not tell me about him? He's sweet.

Alfor: U usually hate those types tho

"That may be true, but you could have broke Nelson!" Coran cries as he clutches his laptop screen, "Did you know about sloth physiology? They happen to b-"

Alfor cuts him off right there, knowing that he would be lectured for at least thirty minutes if he let his friend continue. "Yes, very fascinating. Almost as much as you want Relium to come in here again to complain about the noise level...again."

"Oh that guy is a wet sock, wouldn't know fun if it hit him in the head." Coran mutters as he curls his finger against his mustache.

Zarkon: Only if they are obnoxious in a horrid way. His energy is...enduring.

Alfor screws his face up after reading that text. He tuts as he quickly types something.

Alfor: Ur only saying that bc he has a SUV and opened your door. That doesn't mean anything in the long run. Srsly Coran is annoying, especially when he's on ~animals. Just random facts in general

Zarkon: He's into biology too, and anthropology is a plus. Too bad I have not met him earlier *sigh

Zarkon: His build, personality, and intelligence is just perfect. Can you schedule something between us? No, I will do it myself. I should make him something, perhaps a biology pun. Does he like salty or sweet food?

Alfor's eyebrow twitches. Usually he's open to people getting with others, he is no homophobe, but he's trying to prevent a heartbreak. Initially he was glad that Zarkon, his uptight friend for the past year, happens to ease the pole up his ass of being a pompous ass toward most people. Too bad he mistaken kindness-from opening a door to even talking to him about the complexities of biology, which is one of Zarkon's majors-for actual interest. He doesn't know how many people actually treated the man kindly, to mistaken that, or if he latched onto the idea that Coran is interested in him because he seems to have a type for red heads. From what he knows about Coran from the three years that he's known him, the man is not interested in men. Sometimes he thinks he is interested in a woman, when he breaks up within a few weeks. He treats his dates like a gentleman-at least buying dinner and a few dates and he doesn't know what else since he's at Ina's place-but he breaks up because he hasn't felt a connection with them.

"You sure are making too many negative expressions with Ina. That only happens when you are fighting, and I know that you two aren't." Coran says with his back toward Alfor.

Damn his friend for being perceptive, he might as well come clean now. Only to avoid Ina and her roommates Diana and Sheryl from getting involved, along with all of their friends. Coran can be annoying at times when he wants answers, often seeking others who will either badger him, or he'd have to concede so that the mess won't get bigger.

"Now someone is telling me that they like you. It's some guy from our lifespan class, and" Alfor's phone vibrates, he glances at the message, "Zarkon says that he's thankful for you opening his door. His words, not mine."

"Well tell him that I didn't mind. Sure it was twenty minutes away, but at least we avoided the traffic." Coran states as he types something on his laptop, "About the person who supposedly likes me, tell him that I'm taken."

"Got it." Alfor types the message to Zarkon, and also replies with 'Srsly? Not cool,' to the man. He lifts his head up when he realizes what Coran said, "Wait, you're in a relationship again? Who is it this time?"

"Oh no one, just Ms. Gregory." Coran sighs as he clutches his chest, "She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. So knowledgeable about plants and she can care for animals."

"She's the narrator for your favorite show." Alfor deadpans.

"So?" Coran innocently said, "A guy can dream."

Alfor rubs his temples. Of course Coran would fall in love with a TV persona, it didn't help that Bridgette Gregory deals with lions and bears primarily, two of Coran's favorite animals, right next to kangaroos, wolves, beavers, and otters.

Alfor: Looks like hes taken. Bye a lady

Zarkon: A few days with me and we'll see about it.

Zarkon: That harlot does not deserve him.

Zarkon: I bet she has not had an intellectual conversation with him. She does not even share the common interests with him.

Zarkon: Tell me once again, what is his schedule? I wish to talk to him tomorrow. The very least invite me to your dorm, otherwise I will invite myself over.

Alfor: Fine. Be my guest. He happens to be free around eleven, and he's in the library for thirty minutes reading. You could corner him there.

Zarkon: Thank you. You still did not tell me what kind of food he prefers though.

He's tired of Zarkon's shit, and there is one thing that is bothering him with the whole exchange when this began. "Why did you open the door for Zarkon? You don't do that to anyone."

"Well I wanted to put my stuff in the back, and then he got close. So I decided to open it for him." Coran shrugs as he concentrates on reading an article from their lifespan and development class.

Of course Coran would do something like that. Of course he has to deal with the fallout of a failed relationship. At least he has Ina with him. He might as well give her an up-to-date basis of what's going to happen. Give her some warning about the new development.

One thing's for sure, Alfor is going to suffer the next few days. Knowing his luck, Coran will think that Zarkon is just a friend, and Zarkon will think that he is accepting his advances.

"I'm going to get some scotch, you want anything?"

"A bit too early to drink don't you think old chap?"

"Coran, please no forced accent. This is for later."

"Oh, well nothing."

What Coran doesn't know won't hurt him. So what if he drinks half of the bottle in the car before coming back into their dorm? Not like he's hurting anyone.

 **A/N: This might just be a one-shot unless some people like it. However, things after this won't be based off of true events that I have seen/heard in real life.**


	2. Chapter 2

Zarkon wtf chapter 2

Alfor is sitting on the kitchen counter, drinking his coffee as he watches blearily how his friends act around one another. It is around eight, and he sincerely regrets giving Zarkon his dorm's number and name. Relium, their other roommate, took the lone counter seat, which leaves Alfor in this position. The kitchen table top is cluttered with books, candy wrappers, and a few work shirts when one of the guys are running late to leave the dorm.

He takes another sip from his coffee, and wonders how the raven haired stoic, and the enthusiastic red head could be morning birds. 'They're both abnormal. They aren't even taking caffine,' he snorts into his coffee and Relium looks at him.

"I know." The short man croaks as he flips a page of his textbook after taking a bite of a chocolate chip cookie from a box that Zarkon brought over. "They should take it outside."

He has to give Zarkon props, the guy knows where to get soft cookies from. He was glaring at Relium from the corner of his eyes—it looked like he was staring—until Coran took one and munched on it. His mustached friend complimenting the taller male diffused the tension in the air.

Alfor looks at the two men who are on the couch. Coran is moving his hands animatedly, and Alfor leans closer toward them from the counter. Despite the short distance they are to the kitchen from the living room, he has the tendency to tune out the goof ball early in the morning. It's for the sake of his sanity, he's ill prepared to deal with anything, and this is the only time where Relium won't get on Coran's case for being loud. The red head focuses on his studies in the morning, brews a pot of coffee, which means that their roommate is willing to slide any instances when Coran is loud early in the morning. Especially when he sees his new notes and homework sheets on the table.

His eyes narrow when he sees Zarkon's rigid posture—always a constant, the man is serious even he saw him one time exhausted at two in the morning—lean toward Coran. Coran uses his hands to talk constantly, and occasionally his fingers brush against Zarkon's muscular arms is something Alfor knows he's happy about. Especially when he can see a ghost of a smile from his perch.

'This is actually happening. Why this early? I'll tell Ina at nine-thirty,' Alfor plots. Hopefully his girlfriend can settle this matter because he doesn't think he can have the patience to deal with it. Not to mention the slight headache he has after last night's bout of drinking. He really shouldn't have downed half of the scotch bottle in a short amount of time. Especially when he has class today, from nine thirty to ten forty-five. He's going to be working the lunch shift today, so he can't spend too much time dealing with the drama that is going to unfold. He can get Ina in on this situation, she knows how to handle Coran, and she can tolerate Zarkon to an extent. To be honest, his girlfriend does not like Zarkon, and he is testy around her. The two of them argue about ethics of human experimentation, and Ina is majoring in psychology and minoring in anthropology.

Normally the two could get along, but bring up politics or ethics, the two are at it like cats and dogs.

Nonetheless, he trusts that Ina can monitor the both of them. She can handle them, and she knows the proper procedures when dealing with Zarkon. Being tactful, but unyielding toward him. Her attitude of getting organizations—or people—to fall under her foot when they do not follow up to code is astounding. One of the many reasons why he fell for her.

He sighs in content as he imagines his died silver hair goddess with her warm hazel eyes, and slightly crooked teeth smiling up at him as she shows off her wit toward everyone. God he loves her.

 **A/N: This will be updated, but they will be short. It will no longer be based on real life people, just the struggle of Zarkon trying to snag Coran.**

 **I am not going to be posting chapters after tomorrow (same goes for my other works) because of finals.**


	3. Chapter 3

Ina had to give Zarkon some slack, the man is acting quite smitten with Coran. He is acting a tad kinder, especially towards her when Coran Is around, and that truly cemented the image of the cold-hearted man to actually have emotions: other than haunty, domineering, and pride. Even when her significant other told her that Zarkon is sweet to their mutual friend in Lifespan, she could hardly believe it.

She deliberately went to the café, a spot she knows Coran frequents after his two to three fifteen class to get a drink and rad something. Alfor told her in class that Zarkon has an opening after three fifteen, so he'd most likely be there. He boyfriend told her all about how yesterday Zarkon wanted to cross reference the openings Coran has and if he so happens to be in the area.

She scolded Alfor in class when he told Zarkon where Coran was at almost every opening in their university. Honestly, he is just giving Zarkon ammunition to stalk the poor man without his awarence. She might be a bit of a hypocrite as well because she went to the café, sat next to Coran, chatted with him, and studied beside him when Zarkon came in. In all honesty she was hoping to provide some kind of protection toward Coran, and to see if the stoic man would take Alfor's advice.

Coran—bless his soul—waved the man over to their table after the dark haired man purchased a latte. Zarkon didn't even attempt to appear startled about seeing Coran in the café like most people do when they come across acquaintances or friends in areas they do not expect. His hazel eyes did linger on her own for a few moments, his jaw tightened momentarily—trying to get rid of his sharp smile he constantly shows her his distaste of her—before he sat down.

Ina can't help but chuckle when she recalls the words the man said to her to Alfor.

"I do not need someone to oversee our encounters. You and Alfor think I will jump on Coran like an animal." Zarkon clicks his tongue as the two watch Coran get up to buy a slice of cake.

"We're worried about how far you'd take this relationship. We need to make sure you two are a good match." Ina lies and Zarkon glares at her.

"I do not need a chaperone and I will not scare him off."

She doesn't bother to tell him that he is too intense for most people, and Alfor laughs beside her. She hits his arm and goes back to her story.

"Still, we don't want our friend circle shattering because of interrelationships in play. No one needs to take sides."

"If only that was true between you and Alfor. Honestly come up with a elevated fabrication rather than that pitiful excuse of a lie."

"I don't want you hurting him." Ina remembers raising her voice before realizing that Coran was coming back to their table. Alfor chuckles when he hears her sorry excuse that she gave when Coran was within earshot. "You should just keep your grades to yourself, or stop aggravating you're group members. It's not like you don't correct every single detail when someone submits their portion of the project. Oh hey Coran."

"Ah talking about group work? Well I keep a positive attitude and remind them to do a splendid job. If they aren't properly motivated then it looks like it's up to these guns." Coran flexes as he sits down. "The two of us will hit the gym then the books. Best to train your body and the mind after all."

"Your method is…different from my own. I doubt I'll use it, but I would like to take you up on your offer. I can bench four hundred and thirty, what about you?" Zarkon asked and the conversation quickly devolved from there.

Ina didn't pay attention to that. If it was about running, swimming, or throwing a discus that is a different story. She paid attention to her psychology and philosophy books rather than participating in the obvious showboating on Zarkon's part. Only participating in the conversation when it piqued her interest.

She snuggles next to Alfor on the love seat in her dorm. The two of them were watching a crime show on Netflix when her significant other brought up the incident earlier that day.

"How long do you think this is going to last?" Alfor inquires as he tugs on the blanket over them toward her.

"About a few weeks," she replies as she makes herself comfortable beside him.

"More like months. You know how Zarkon gets."

"But he's more for the conquering rather than actually being in a relationship." Ina counters as she looks into her love's blue eyes.

She recalls Zarkon once pursuing a professor to get ahead of his thesis, and resources that he had at his disposal was nothing compared to the new information his professor acquired. It was a long process that began when Zarkon first joined that professor's class, even managed to get into another one of her classes because she taught something similar to his interest. (look it up what he was for again) He got what he wanted the first week of the second class he enrolled into before treating the woman like dirt. Needless to say, Zarkon is ahead with his thesis.

"He was never like this before, actually having an interest toward someone rather than their gains. This could actually last a lot longer than a simple obsession.

"Well then, we just need to keep an eye on both of them, and protect Coran." Ina said as she imagines future encounters that one or both of them just so happens to be in the area.

"Yes, but don't third wheel them constantly. I don't want Zarkon blowing up on us," Alfor said as he boops her nose.


End file.
